Breaking Point...
Today was one of those days where you feel like you just need to find a small closet and lock yourself in it because your bad luck isn't going to help anyone. If anything I should have been wearing a big caution sign for everyone to see. An artist like myself goes through these times of creating because I am told to and it is expected of me. I have learned NOTHING I create in those periods is even close to being inventive nor really creative at all...just meaning less steams of thoughts and designs. During that time I am usually thinking what people will want to see or what I believe people are expecting of me. The ironic twist of that is it isn't what they want..it isn't what they were expecting and it is this unsatisfied feeling that drives me to breaking points like today. I am very passionate about what I show to the world through my designs. I usually take the viewer to a state of mind or a feeling. When these are not communicated on every level more times then none I end up scrapping my whole concepts, themes, inspiration and start from scratch completely. How can I expect to bring my viewers to a state of mind when I myself was never there when creating?
Today started with a 5AM wake up call and a very sleepy me. I worked all weekend doing write ups on four different brands, studying their demographics, psychographics, geographic, price ranges, trends, and so on. As well as begin creating my own brand for my portfolio (theme page and concepts..). I came to class early and pretty confident. That was until 20 minutes into class it is brought to my attention that all that homework I did was interrupted incorrectly and I missed the ball. I was expecting we would have free range with our portfolios but that was not the case with this teacher. When it was my turn to talk out my ideas for my brand I receive absolutely no input or even encouragement. She had been taking notes on everyone’s presentations expect I only got "so...I'm not going to write anything.." (what does that even mean?!) and she went right into talking to the next student. (Very rude and hurtful especially because I put so much time and effort into it) I had watched her talk it out with students who went before me but with me there was a disconnect, apparently. I went up to her on our break to ask her if there was a miscommunication or if I misunderstood and the only response she said was "I don't want to say you messed up but..." (then left the room). Easy to say this would be my breaking point. I had to leave the room as well. I'm not someone who shows such raw emotion openly in public places. I feel it's just not professional but what she said had upset me and there's times we can't help it, it's the human in us. However, I knew that wasn't the time or place so I pulled myself together. I'm unsure if it is a teaching method of hers, so I get to my core and spark a fire under my ass.. If so she'll be the BEST teacher I've had so far. I went straight back to the drawing board (LITTERALLY) and nothing fires that flame under my ass more than when I have something to prove.
So by lunch I was determined to turn my day around and headed to work..you know "think positive and positive stuff will happen”... or however that saying goes.. wasn't long till I had to deal with insurance and on my way home my car radio broke... needless to say I had lost my chartable- like demeanor for the day.
As the dust settled I realized maybe my thoughts and ideas weren't being rejected, I was just being redirected into a new place of creativity and in some twisted way I needed that very hash way of critisim to connect with my collection and make it stonger.
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